Tuesday, December 29, 2015

MUCH OF NOTHING

When my eyes opened this am I thought, "What will I blog about today?" As I felt bummed out cause I have other projects that I've completed that I could take pictures of and post I just couldn't really decided what to do.  I'm excited about this new blogging thing but yet I let little things like this overwhelm my mind.  Why as mama or as women do we do this to ourselves?  We put this mark above our heads to try to be on our game all time.  Hoping that someone will notice something we've made, something we've accomplished, something we did that was different, original, or just something of being noticed.  I for years have asked my husband over and over what is special about me?  How can God use me to make a difference?  I would do my normal whinny voice and say..."I stay at home, teach kids all day, cook, clean and then get up the next day to do it all over again, how can that be "Being Someone" for him!" I would talk to Him silently and ask why?

Ok, so my point is this, I would look at all the other busy people around me and say, "Wow they are a good teacher, painter, business lady, exercise queen, cook, sewer, creative person."  You know what I mean, like I would label people.  Say for instance as a example I would tell my husband, you have all these multiple gifts.  You are a top fireman(which he is cause he has awards to prove it, life saves and such) then he is a gifted taxidermist because he has been doing taxidermy since he was about 12 to 13 years old, he can dabble with the banjo, he isn't a professional in that area but is good enough to play at church occasionally.  I'm mean see??? Does any other mother feel my frustration?? I mean hey, I was in love with the fact that I was home everyday with my kiddos but on the other hand it was like I needed to be recognized by someone.  Why? Why do we do this, why do we feel this way? I would tell my husband, I can only dabble in everything I do, I'm not a perfect cook, cleaner, don't even get me started on the exercise part(huffs) are you kidding me, I mean I've had 4 kids, one which weighted over 10lbs(this body has road maps!),  crafter, teacher, musician (i like to mess around with a fiddle) or any of the above.  I would even cry at times and say how can God use me if I'm not really good at one particular thing?

So one day, I was listening to James McDonald at www.walkintheword.com its a really good pastor and his site, if you don't listen to him already, you should.  He was talking about how we all try to seek to see "who we are." That it even starts out young, for instance, are we the ball player, nerd, honor student, class clown? So we start out labeling ourselves at such a young age.  I was listening to this as I painted my bedroom. He talks about how to be really good at something, I mean good that the statistics say you must have had at least 10,000 hours of doing it!!! Did you hear that? I said, "Wow, the only thing I have that many hours at is just being a mama!"  As he goes on, he starts to talk about men and woman of the bible, Abraham, David, Mary, all these people that had issues way before God used them.  But He did!  So standing on that ladder I started to cry and realized that God had given me the best and hardest job that he could give to someone.  To be a mama and teacher to these kids.  Because believe me it is! Just as I write this my two boys are fighting with each other and fussing in my ear about how much they want to hurt the other one.  (frustrated face!)

So I don't really understand why I'm blogging, or why God has me doing this cause I've never thought of myself as someone who would sit down and right out things that go on in my home.  Actually that's why I'm not on face book cause I don't really like people in my business.  But yet I keep feeling this nudge to do this.  Maybe there is a frustrated mama out there just like me who needs to see that its ok being content right where you are.  I know that on the ladder that day, I realized that one day the fruit of this labor will show.  Its like I could hear his sweet voice telling me that it will all payoff one day and it will all be worth it.  To me that's better than any award, recognition, pat on the back for being the best crafter, cleaner, cooker, its just being a ruby as the book of Proverbs says, its being a God fearing, MAMA.  




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