Thursday, February 25, 2016

PEACE

With all the storms that were raging through our county and state, I decided to do some bible journaling to help calm the nerves.  There is so much going on around us right now.  Two dear friends have found out that their dads have cancer all over the body.  My heart has been heavy and weary for them.  Its so hard be that it's a actual physical storm raging around us like today with the high winds, or if its a internal mental or physical battle we are facing. We sometimes have a hard time realizing that we have a God that is bigger than all of it!  I have to remind myself this on a daily basis because I struggle with anxiety and depression.
Its hard to say it out loud even when you know there are thousands upon thousands of others that are out there struggling with it, you don't feel like you should become one of "those" people or be "weak." Especially if you are Christian!  But why do we Label ourselves like this?  This is something I have fought and fought for many many years.  Its not because I stay home and home school my children (most people would say that), because this is a problem I dealt with earlier on in my teens.  I would have horrible panic attacks, break out in hives like you have never seen. It was so bad one time I had to leave school and come home and take a baking soda bath to try and get the itching to stop.  For some reason this is how my body reacts to stress.  I have right many friends who deal with this exact thing.

I struggle horribly with the fact that I feel like I let God down because I have to take medication.  But then I remind myself, if I was diabetic would I feel like I let him down if I took insulin every day?  When a part of your body is sick you must take care of it.  Its very hard for my body to relax.  Like for instance I'm putting in this post at 12:39 am.  I worry non stop that I'm gonna get cancer and not be here to raise my beautiful family, I mean the list goes on and on.  But one thing I can do that helps calms the raging winds and storms is to sit down and read his word!  This is my absolute favorite verse in the whole bible.  I found it the day my mom found out she had breast cancer and of course I ran and got my bible because I was tore up inside and I needed something to help me stay focused that God does work All things for the Good!.
Isaiah 26:3 you will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trust in you!
I hope and I pray if there is someone out there that is struggling with their emotions or anxiety that they don't feel like they have let anyone down because they have to get help or medication.  I have fought this battle for a long time and it doesn't mean God loves you less, or is disappointed, because actually the better I feel the closer I feel like I can draw to him.
XOXO
Hayley
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