Monday, June 13, 2016

Tear Jerker

So its been "one of those last couple of days" that everything I see, think or watch makes me cry.  Why do us women have to be this way?  I'm going through this stage in life where I'm realizing that I'm not 25 anymore (nor do I want to be that age again, lol) but just something has really hit me here so hard.  The fact that I'm edging closer to 40 than 30.  I have enjoyed mother hood so so much!  Every part of it, the pregnancy, delivery, the nursing all hours of the night, being the only one they wanted when they cried, teaching them to walk, talk, just all of it!  I do enjoy the ages that they are at now also.  Seeing them realize that they are big enough to have their on responsibilities.  The changes that are among us are not going to always be fun, (tweens!) sigh...... but I am embracing each part because I know it only last for a short time and then it moves on to the next thing.

But where I'm at as mom feels devastating.  I enjoyed the baby stage so much!  So now its like that word "Final"  no going back, no experiencing the nursing, burping, baby food, teething, teaching to walk, all these sweet moments are over for me.  I have to wait to become a grandmother to experience this again. (excuse me while I wipe the tears off the keyboard, because I am crying as I write this.  My husband says I'm nuts.... we have four precious, beautiful, healthy children.  I have been pregnant 5 times.  (I lost twins in between baby 1 and 2)  My husband feels like we have finally "arrived"  could you hear the music playing dun ta dun dun...... as I said arrived.  We for the most part,  get to sleep through the night and have everyone in their own beds now.  But for me it's heart breaking.  I don't know why I feel this way.  I would love to have a couple more but I know that this chapter of my life is over.  I guess that's what make me so sad.  Hear lately I have been listening to this song by Nichole Nordeman called Slow Down.  I boo hoo every time I listen to it.  Its the perfect song for the way I have felt lately.  I listen to KLove all the time and they play it all the time, but if you don't listen to that station, please take a few mins and watch this video and listen to the song.  Of course listening to it a couple of times makes it even more special.  It is a excellent song, for all mothers!   Slow Down by Nichole Nordeman

Please be in prayer for me, that these sad feelings pass soon.  God knows best, there is a reason he made us to be like we are, but closing a door of life is always hard.

Oh and feel free to sob, I was in the car the other day singing and crying at the same time, while my husband looks on with this dazed and confused look, says, "what?" I'm wiping the tears away saying, "Don't you get it?"  Nope, No they don't! So I cry through the rest of the song thinking, "How beautiful!" but then when its over I'm mad??? So like what alien took over my body?
 I look at him, while he is waiting for me to explain and say, "STUPID SONG" and he's like OOOOK.... Thank Goodness I have a patient man!  Well, I hope that you, if you are a mom, that is struggling like I am with loosing the baby stage you will enjoy this song and the good cry that goes along with it!

XOXO
Hayley

 

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